"Holo" Purpose

Posted on Tue Nov 30th, 2010 @ 6:02am by Lieutenant JG Hannah Andeti & Commander Michael Evans M.D.

Mission: Episode 1.3 - "The Time of Trial"
Location: Counselor's Office
Timeline: BACKPOST MD07, 2200

ON:
::BACKPOST::
[[USS Pandora Corridor, outside the Counselor's Office, MD07, 2200hrs]]

Tony paused outside the counselor's door. Holograms usually didn't receive counseling; they were usually just reprogrammed. But Tony wasn't your ordinary hologram, and didn't like the idea of a reprogramming anyways. It wasn't in the nature of his personality subroutines to seek counseling, but in this case he felt it necessary to make an exception. He pushed the chime.

Lt Andeti turned from where she stood poised before the replicator and paused for a moment. It was a bit late for a drop in but, with the trial over, her day had actually been a pleasant one and she still had plenty of energy.

"Come in." She called and smiled when the doctor stepped through the door. "Dr Haelen, this is a surprise." Her immediate thought was that in all the stress of the trial she had missed a physical, but usually she saw Dr Evans and didn't think he would send the EMH if that were the case. "I was just getting myself something to drink. Would you like something?" She wasn't sure if the hologram enjoyed eating, but it seemed rude not to at least offer.

Tony considered the offer as he was invited in. He always felt more comfortable having something to do with his hands. Glancing at the counselor, who looked a little unsure about whether to order him actual food from the replicator, he twitched a forced half-smile and said, "Computer: a mug of hot tea, Earl Grey, Saint Isaac's blend, holographic." A mug materialized on a nearby surface and Tony picked it up, but did not drink.

The counselor smiled her appreciation and ordered her own standard beverage before making her way to the gathering of soft chairs that stood near the viewport. She motioned to one of them. "Please have a seat."

Tony hesitated a brief moment before sitting in the chair that was the most directly across from the door. He wasn't used to a chair that was anything more than functional, and sat rather awkwardly. Now that he was acually here, Tony suddenly felt extremely nervous. "So... Lieutenant... how've you been," he said, hearing how fake he sounded and accidentally sloshing a little of the holographic tea.

The counselor smiled. A lot of people needed to open a counseling session with this kind of chit chat but she still wasn't entirely confident that that was the Doctor's reason for a visit. She sipped her coffee and relaxed back into her chair. "Busy." She answered simply. "The trial had been very hard on most of the crew. And how are things in sickbay?"

"Oh, fine. Just fine," he said with a smile which quickly faded after not having quite reached his eyes. He took a sip of his tea in the silence. Tony didn't quite want to reveal yet what was bothering him, so he asked, "Counselor, this crew has been through a lot. Do you ever feel... a little inadequate for the task... of counseling them I mean?" He had meant to start things off conversationally, but Tony realized immediately that this was a rather personal and pointed question to just 'pop in' and ask out of the blue. He winced internally. The gig was probably up, but he tried to continue to look casual as he took another sip of tea to cover.

The counselor spoke slowly, hesitating around what were some fairly dangerous personal emotions regarding her career. "Absolutely, I think that's only natural for anyone who's responsible for the physical or mental well-being of others. You must have experienced that yourself as a doctor." She felt their discussion balanced somewhere between a conversation between two medical professionals and the real underlying matter, but she wasn't going to push him. From her experience if a member of the crew had managed to make it to her office they weren't about to leave without saying what needed to be said.

"Of course," he said just a little absently as his mind whirred. He took another sip. "Counselor," he began again, "I... ever since the trial I...," he gesticulated trying to articulate his thoughts, "when we faced the possibility of loosing Iluvar as our captain I-I found myself wondering what would happen when our next CO came in," he finally said, then sipped quickly again at his tea.

"I think most of the crew was concerned about that during the trial. A change of command under such circumstances comes with any number of problems." She smiled. "I think it's only natural that you would feel that along with the crew." Andeti paused and after a moment lowered her coffee cup to the table next to her. "Or do you mean that you worried about what would happen particularly to you?" It was strange, she had never counseled someone who was technically property before and it hadn't initially occured to her that a different CO might not want the Doctor to continue serving.

"Doc" looked up at Hannah with a guilty and somewhat forlorn look that spoke volumes, confirming her assumption. He'd never felt quite this way before, and it all hit him in a great wave as the truth was brought to light: shame at his weakness, a sense of fragile worth, empty pride in his skill. All those patients he'd treated... Was his compassion so lightly dismissed?

He moved to take another sip of his tea, but found his arm too weak to respond. Instead he sat forward and folded his hands in his lap, his head bowed. "Hannah," he said quietly, "when I think of what could've, what would've happened if Iluvar hadn't retained his command..." He looked up. "Hannah, I'm a physician, programmed or not. It's literally my purpose for being; a sense I have much more so perhaps than any flesh-and-blood crewmember. When they sent me to work in the mines, they stripped that from me. My entire sense of self was defaced. When Iluvar gave me the opportunity to regain that under his command..." He took a steadying breath. "And I've just faced losing it all over again." He shook his head as if he could hardly believe what he was saying, "My fate is tied to one man's career." He looked down at his hands again in silence.

Andeti wasn't sure how to initially respond and felt a deep sense of the injustice surrounding this man's rights-or lack thereof. At last she offered a small, reassuring smile. "Technically you're right. What happens to Admiral-" she corrected herself. "Captain Iluvar has more of a bearing on your fate than on most of the crew. But the Captain requested your placement here for a reason, to allow you to grow and develop as an individual. I seriously doubt that the Captain would simply abandon you, whatever happened to him."

Tony looked up, a brief smile twitched at one corner of his mouth. "You're right. Iluvar wouldn't abandon me if he could help it," he acknowledged. "Still," he sighed rather matter-of-factly, having recovered himself somewhat, "it is rather disconcerting." He paused, as if thinking.

The counselor nodded. "I can imagine. But as far as I see it, one of the great benefits of you expanding as an individual is that your entire sense of self will no longer hang on your career. Most people don't come pre-programmed with a purpose and that makes it . . . easier to make the sudden transitions that life sometimes calls for. Unfortunately you and your fellow EMHs didn't have that benefit."

"True," Tony agreed. "Interestingly," he smirked, "I had considered it a 'perk' rather than a 'fault' to come ready-made with a purpose. Seeing so many of my fellew crewmembers struggling with that issue made me glad that I didn't have to. I guess everything has its 'pros' and 'cons' to deal with." He sat back in his chair. "And what to do with mine," he said as he steepled his fingers thoughtfully. "Counselor," he asked, "from where do people derive their sense of self and worth if not from their careers? It seems common enough in Starfleet."

Hannah nodded and reached again for her coffee. The same thing had occured to her, to be honest. "Of course one's career is always important but most people don't usually define themselves by their careers alone. For example I am a counselor and that's important to me, but I also enjoy musical composition, camping, diving and would be as hesitant to give those activities up as I would be to give up Starfleet." She found her mind wandering slightly to their recently departed commander but forced herself to remain on the topic at hand. "You might consider asking the Captain for your own set of quarters. I know you don't really need them, but having a home where you can explore your own interests away from medicine might help you draw that line between yourself and your career."

Tony nodded. "I have my office, of course, but you're right that it might be good to have some quarters away from my workplace. I could create paintings that don't have to be stored in the computer's memory," he mused. "That might be nice."

The counselor smiled, so he liked to paint. She was curious to know what sort of work he did, but decided to stay on the topic at hand. "Of course there's more to it than that." She sipped her coffee. "Friendship for example, personal relationships are also very important. Do you have very many people on the Pandora who you would consider to be friends?"

Tony thought a moment. "Well, I look up to the captain, certainly. And I have a very good working relationship with Dr. Evans," he said. "I also get along well with Iluvar's 'Pevensie' hologram, but I rarely see him anymore. Besides which our conversations always seemed a little... limited."

Hannah nodded. "Have you ever thought to pursue a friendship with the doctor outside business hours?" She knew from experience that the doctor was an easy man to start up a friendship with.

"I haven't, actually, but I'd be willing to consider it," Tony said, though he looked just a little doubtful for some reason. "I'll consider the whole friendship issue seriously," he said reassuringly. "In the mean time," he redirected, "I rather like the idea of finding some quarters."

She smiled. "I do think that would help." She paused but decided to ask, whether or not he would give an honest answer. "Is there a reason you hesitate about developing friendships within the crew?"

Tony looked at Hannah. It wasn't that he didn't know the answer, since the question had been brought up with another crew member and he'd had a chance to think about it; it was just unexpected, however valid a question, to have this same subject brought up again so recently. He gave a small sigh. "As a physician I am obligated to maintain a certain distance from my patients; everyone on this ship is technically my patient. As an EMH I wasn't programmed with the social subtlety to cross that line appropriately in my "off hours" since I'm supposed to be "off" in my "off hours." He shifted in his seat. "It's just a little... uncomfortable. I don't do uncertainty well. And, I guess..." he shifted again, "I don't want to risk damaging the patient/physician relationship through some sort of adversity that has a tendency to ensue outside of the carefully deliniated professional etiquette."

The counselor nodded. It was a fine line in both of their professions and one that she had counseled other doctors in dealing with. Dr Haelen however was a bit of a unique case since most non-holographic doctors had experienced at least some form of friendship before. "It is a difficult line to define," she agreed. "But as a doctor I think that's always going to be the case and I genuinely believe that there is only so much growth an individual can experience without the participation of others in their lives. If anything that might be more of a reason to seek out the companionship of other members of the crew. That sort of distance is not uncommon for many officers, not only doctors, and they could help you define those parameters while you work to develop the other skills involved in building relationships."

Tony nodded at his tea. "I'll give it some thought," he said carefully. "Thank you, Counselor." Now the big question was: How does one go about choosing a friend?

OFF

by

Dr Anthony Haelen (PNPC)
Assistant Chief Medical Officer
USS Pandora
played by Dr Michael Evans

and

Lt jg Hannah Andeti
Chief Counselor
USS Pandora