Away From It All

Posted on Thu Feb 4th, 2010 @ 11:05am by Lieutenant JG Hannah Andeti

Mission: Episode 1.1 - "Now Boarding"
Location: Aldani III
Timeline: MD02 1935

The counselor leaned over the fire, holding her hands well above the flames and feeling the warmth tickle her fingers. There was a thin soup boiling in the pot, but the smell was spicy and Hannah knew that the Andorian cabbage soup had been the right choice. She closed her eyes and felt her mind relax as the uneven chirping and cries of the wilderness echoed around her. Tenuously, she allowed her mind to open, feeling the hum of the surrounding animals’ thoughts and dreams. The thoughts of animals had always been calming, the randomness of the simplistic emotions easier to handle somehow. They were more unreal, more temporary and therefore easier for her to dismiss.

Harder to dismiss were her own emotions. She wasn’t new to the presence of false memories and her own reaction to them, but it didn't make the experience any less confusing. She kept trying to remember the last time memories that weren’t hers began to crop up . . . over five years ago now but as she struggled to think back she felt her stomach twist. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience and that was almost entirely why she didn’t make a point of remembering it often. It had been more traumatic certainly, the feeling of someone else invading her mind and the sight of that woman as she . . .

Hannah opened her eyes and shuddered, unconsciously knocking up a number of her mental blocks again. She had dealt with those false memories in a tried and true way – by ignoring them completely, but this problem with Earlond was another thing. It was more immediate than a memory of some murder she had never committed and could obviously not just be ignored away.

Not that she hadn’t been trying to do just that.

The Commander had always been a friend and workmate, but she had never thought about him in that way before.

Or had she felt this way for Earlond before? There was no denying that he was intelligent, funny and . . . well, he was a mystery and she had always liked that but it was all just so ridiculous. Was it possible that she, a counselor could really be so ignorant of her own emotions?

She turned her head slowly, feeling the muscles tense in her back and she stood, running through a number of quick stretches. It had been a hard hike and her body was aching from the effort, but she was also calmer than she had been in days. She rubbed her temples as a particularly strong wave of aggression overcame her. Something in the forest was hunting and she felt her own adrenaline rush, along with the animal’s focus. She opened her eyes and returned to the fireside, making sure that her phaser was in easy reach.

Still her mind drifted back to those memories and not just that of Earlond. Her sister had been happy in that other universe, she had been normal. Hannah couldn’t help but wonder what it was about that timeline that had been different from this one. She felt a pang of longing for the sort of friendship that she and Elle had never had in this universe. It hadn’t even been possible and not for the first time, she wondered what had happened to her older sister and if she would ever see her again. Hannah reached forward and stirred the soup before carefully pulling it off the heat. Tentatively she took a bite, but it was too hot and she swallowed it quickly, chasing it with a sip of water as it burned its way down into her stomach.

She shook her head. It was just so annoying, first losing herself in memories that weren’t even hers and now these emotions that had followed closely on their heels. They were just too tied up with her own to be distinguished and dealt with.

Then again, maybe that didn’t matter. She was always telling her patients that it didn’t really matter where an emotion had come from, but how it was handled now that it was here. She frowned. Sometimes she hated having to take her own advice because that was just as confusing a question. She was attracted to her XO . . . a man who likely didn’t think about her outside the possible security risk she posed and now he knew all about it. There was a reason she always kept things friendly, but asexual with co-workers and this was just it.

She almost couldn’t wait to be back on the ship with missions and other peoples’ problems to think about. Maybe if she was lucky all of this would just go away and leave her alone, but somehow, she didn’t think so.

OFF

Lieutenant JG Hannah Andeti
Chief Counselor
USS Pandora