On a More Personal Note...

Posted on Thu May 19th, 2011 @ 5:07pm by Vice Admiral Iluvar & Commander Michael Evans M.D.

Mission: Episode 2.2 - "Resistance"
Location: Chief Medical Officer's Quarters, USS Pandora
Timeline: Mission Day 03, 0940

ON: [[Chief Medical Officer's Quarters, USS Pandora, MD-03, 0940]]

Slowly lowering the cup of steaming Earl Grey from where he had been breathing across it, Iluvar looked over at the younger man seated nearby. He had been somewhat surprised to receive an invitation for a bit of informal conversation from the ship's chief medical officer. The two of them had certainly interacted before, especially when it came to the condition of their mutual holographic associates, but this was the first time that he had actually been the recipient rather than the instigator of such an invitation. "So...what is it you wanted to talk to me about, doctor," he asked casually.

Mike cupped his hands around his own steaming cup of tea, feeling its warmth. "Well, my career actually, Captain," he said. "I'm sure you've heard the scuttlebutt by now... my asking questions about command and such. I've been doing a lot of 'soul searching' as it were, and I've been seriously considering applying to become a full commander." He took a sip of his tea, watching Iluvar's reaction carefully but surreptitiously. "I guess I just wanted your insight," he said, "since you've known me longer than anyone else aboard ship, besides your experience in command."

A wry smile spread across Iluvar's face as he glanced down at the still steaming mug resting on his leg. He had seen the hesitancy with which the younger man had reluctantly accepted the responsibilities of second officer several months prior. Now that same cautious young physician was making some rather bold inquiries into greater command opportunities. "You have certainly developed quite a reputation for yourself, both within the medical community and amongst the crew," he observed, "What about Command sparked your curiosity?"

Michael though a moment. "A couple of things, I guess," he started slowly. "My experiences as Second Officer have made me think a little harder about what I want to do with my career. I'm not sure anymore that I'll be content just being a doctor." He took another sip of his tea.

"And working with Cadet Eckles has made me do some thinking, too," Michael continued. "Teaching someone about something helps you think about it and understand it better yourself, you know? And..." he wasn't sure whether he should be embarrassed or not, "I've discovered somewhat to my surprise that I enjoy being in command." Here his eyes lit up. "Having the team working in your style, not just in a medical situation, but in a broader scope of getting a job done." He put his tea down and talked with his hands, looking directly at Iluvar. "Like in my sickbay, but also in the away team and in the labs and in other areas."

Mike paused, then snorted and gave a half-smile. "I guess I like to see things done my way," he chuckled wryly. He picked up his tea and took another sip, shaking his head slowly at himself. He was usually more modest than this, and he wasn't sure whether to be surprised at himself, or what.

There was a moment of silence as Iluvar slowly raised the cup of Earl Grey to his lips, took a small sip, and lowered it again. Command was one of those things that could never truly be understood until one found themselves in the middle of it. Even then, it could sometimes be difficult to fully grasp what a unique position the burden of command placed a person in. "Unfortunately, command is not just about having things done your way," he said slowly, "Those who lead best are often the ones who put themselves into the position of those they are responsible for. It is something which demands your entire being and when you have given all that you have to give, you will reach deep within yourself and find the strength to give more. To be a true leader is to serve those under your command."

Evans flushed slightly as he lowered his eyes briefly. "I know," he said a little more quietly. And he did know, it was just difficult to articulate everything well. Then he smirked, remembering a similar lesson that he'd tried to teach Cadet Eckles. "And that's why I want to command," he continued after a breath. "My experience as a doctor 'in the field' will help me in organizing and leading others. I've seen so many in command over hospitals and rescue stations and other facilities who haven't had any real-world experience. It makes the job difficult for those under their command, and it makes for a real lack of ergos in the carrying-out of the facility's functions."

He looked at Iluvar. "I'm here to see that the right job is done in the right way by either doing it well myself or by helping others do it well. Until recently that has just meant being a good physician and a good department head, and it still does mean that. I serve my patients well as a physician; I can serve more of them by facilitating the work of others through command." He paused and thought. "Am I making sense, Captain?"

"Of course, doctor," Iluvar replied with a slight nod of his head, "You feel compelled to broaden your horizons beyond that of your own field, a trait which is to be admired. Just be aware that command, like any other field, has its share of hidden responsibilities that are not often fully understood by even the longest serving individuals."

Mike nodded. He'd found "hidden" responsibilities with every step he'd taken in his career. Each new step brought new challenges, new rewards, and new responsibilities. And there was no way to adequately prepare for the change. It helped to research beforehand, but in the end one had to simply be willing to accept what came with the new position.

Mike paused before taking another thoughtful sip of his tea. "May I take the pips off for a minute, sir, and ask you a personal question?"

Without a word, Iluvar gave a single tip of his head to indicate an affirmative response.

"Like everyone else, I watched what happened to you during the inquiry. It was horrible, and it took a lot of courage to handle everything the way that you did. That's probably more obvious for those who have known you longer. Despite all of that, you choose to remain in Starfleet and retain a position in Command. You could have left. You and Aris could have returned to the Briar Patch. Why stay? And why command? Do you ever worry about how the inquiry might affect your leadership?"

Mike had been wanting to ask these questions for a while and they came out in a sort of rush; partially out of curiosity, but also because he wanted to understand something about why some people chose to command, versus those who were put into the position more reluctantly. This of course had been wandering through his mind since his conversation with Fala Awen some months ago. Now that he had asked the questions, however, he wondered if he'd crossed the line a little too far, even though the ranks were supposedly dropped for the moment.

Slowly, Iluvar rotated the cup of Earl Grey in his hand as he considered the younger man's inquiries. He could tell that Evans was a bit nervous about having been so vocal with his curiosity, especially with regards to a topic that was still quite sensitive for them all. The fact that the doctor was willing to voice his questions openly gave credit to his willingness to face the truth of the situation. The truth was, they were questions that Iluvar had asked himself at one point or another since the conclusion of the inquiry at Deep Space Four and not a single one could be answered with a simple response.

"To deny the effect those events had on me would be foolishness," Iluvar replied slowly, "but this was not the first time I have found myself before a board of inquiry. My duty is to the Federation, to this ship, and those who serve under my command. In short...it was not yet my time."

Michael nodded. Iluvar's response was short, but he understood it completely. He felt the same sense of duty to his patients and to his staff, and he believed in what the Federation stood for. The captain had only answered his first question though, but Michael respected the reticence and didn't press.

Suddenly, a Yellow Alert sounded; display panels in the room reflected the new alert status. =^="Bridge to Iluvar: We just picked up on a Borg transponder signal."=^= The two officers looked at each other.

"Maintain yellow alert," Iluvar replied, his instructions brief and to the point. "I'm on my way."

OFF

A Joint Mission Post by:

Captain Iluvar
Commanding Officer
USS Pandora

and

Lieutenant Commander Michael Evans
Chief Medical Officer/Second Officer
USS Pandora